Confessions of A Lactose Intolerant

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“Hi my name is Muna and I’m lactose intolerant.” 

It just felt right to start this post with that brief introduction. Lactose Intolerance is when the body cannot easily digest lactose which is a type of natural sugar found in milk and dairy products. 4 out of 7 of us in my immediate family (parents inclusive) are Lactose Intolerant, not to talk of my extended family, we are a LOT. So it’s safe to say it’s hereditary.
Without further chit chat, here are my confessions *grabs mic* 


1. I love milk, I’ve always loved milk from the day I was born. Scratch that, I was told I actually preferred water to milk as an infant but from as far back as I can remember, I’ve always loved milk. 

2. I can take 5 eggs a day (please don’t tell my mum) I’ve actually proper stopped it because you know, I’m an adult and I can’t keep doing such to myself (besides we outchea tryna be fit). In fact I remember years back during one of my aunties traditional wedding, my cousins and I were part of the young asoebi girls that shared eggs (igbo tradition to sell eggs and sweets). We didn’t get to sell all the eggs (obviously) so we took it upon ourselves to finish them. I single handedly ate more than 30 boiled eggs that day, yes 3 0 I kid you not. Chidimma, Kodi, Chichi do you guys remember? Someone reported me to my mother and I didn’t sight egg for another year.  

3. I’m a sucker for ice cream, I actually feel like my sudden love for it will get me into deep shit (literally). If you’re on my snapchat (munamuoneke) you already know my best ice cream place and my fave combo.  

4. Anything dairy, I love it (apart from cheese, Yuck). If it’s dairy, I’ll have it!

5. I have been struggling with black heads and pimples for a bit now, and I recently found out milk increases pimples and blackheads on my face. I wasn’t 100% sure until I consulted google and found a few people complain about the same thing, so no I am not weird. 

6. Sometimes when I’m alone I take cereal with milk, or custard with milk then next day I chunk down Imodium well not “chunk” to help strengthen the you know *insert poop emoji*. It also gives me enough time to play like 10levels of pet rescue in the loo.

7. Whenever I ingest one drop of milk, I tend to FART a lot. I remember one night I had beans and garri + a LOT of peak milk. The next morning my mum barged into my room to wake me up, and sharply did a U turn because of the “gas” in my room LMAOOO. After that incident at the mention of “Munachi’s room” she will jump and pass.
So yes guys, there you have it. Those are my confessions as a lactose intolerant. As I type this, I’m munching on sliced bread and using milk as butter. Why ? I know not. *wipes tear* I don’t know why I do this to myself but I know I’ll be taking Imodium out tomorrow. May God be my strength, Amen.
Are you lactose Intolerant? What are your struggles and how did you or do you plan to overcome them? 
Thanks for stopping by!
XO…MM

6 COMMENTS

  1. 30 eggs one day? I respect your childhood being…. I have been afraid to eat two eggs from day one because I read as a child that one egg is enough for the body. Chai, would have loved to be your friend as a child.

    Nice post though.

    Brenda

  2. You just told the story of my life *apart from the egg part tho* lol
    l love milk and anything made with milk *Coldstone Icecream na baba*. Some days l crave it like an addiction, like l want to drink cold beverage with 80% milk or cereal with milk as thick as yogurt, but the after effect is like rotten egg and baby poo combined *holds nose*.
    l literally would not take it if my boyfriend is coming around but if l can't help it l have to excuse myself for most part of the day.
    It's so bad l do not take cereal or beverage before going to work again *sad face*
    l tried taking a lactose free milk a friend told me about but the reaction was quicker *don't know why*
    Till someone finds a cure l might still stick to taking it once a week *painful*

    Nice work ******��

  3. LMAO @rotten egg and baby poo! you should try alpro almond milk. You might still get it but at least not as bad. I've honestly stopped proper milk I only take it like once a purple moon lol. But plsss if you find any milk that totally works biko tell me!!
    Thanks for taking time out to read and leave a comment. xx

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